“Never, Marge! Never. I can’t live the button-down life like you. I want it all: the terrifying lows, the dizzying highs, the creamy middles. Sure, I might offend a few of the bluenoses with my cocky stride and musky odors — oh, I’ll never be the darling of the so-called “City Fathers” who cluck their tongues, stroke their beards, and talk about “What’s to be done with this Homer Simpson?”— Possibly the most elegant and inspired piece of Simpson’s writing ever. Where did it come from? Does it reference something obscure, or was it simply absurd genius? (via socialfumbling)
#and the baby would have brought everyone on the ship together so much more as well#simon and zoe would have a bond as doctor and patient#she’d go to him to check up on the pregnancy more than she’d ever admit to wash#because it’s a big adjustment to be vulnerable - but simon would keep that private#and river would have a connection to the baby because she’s psychic - she’d always know what the baby needed#i can imagine her sat in the background of zoe/wash trying to stop him/her crying and just calmly saying ‘he wants food’ or w/e#and wash would use river’s help when looking after the tiny baby alone because he’d be nervous#at least at first #by the time the baby was bigger they’d trust river with the baby#i just feel like river has so much love in her heart and because of what happened no one treats her as an equal#she’s fragile but there’d finally be something more vulnerable on the ship than river - and i think that’d be freeing to simon as well#you’d have kaylee fussing over the child and being a goofball with wash trying to keep it entertained#meanwhile inara mal and zoe would be drinking wine and talking like grownups and they’d be zoe’s escape#mal would be crazy in love with the child but only show it when they’re alone together#sometimes kaylee would catch him but she’d never say a word#and book would read for hours to the baby - always calming him and he’d be on babysitting duties during a job#and jayne would teach him about guns until zoe found out and insisted she be the one to teach him about guns#okay go on without me (via notabadday)
Yes yes yes and Jayne would just show up exactly like that: “I CALL IT VERA”
and Mal would just be like “What is your spawn doing to my ship I do not understand the creature” but secretly he’d love them to death and be Uncle Mal telling stories and I mean DADDY WASH would carry him/her on his shoulders and play dinosaurs together and he/she would run to “Nara” and she’d tell them stories of how brave mommy and daddy were and why Mister Mal always looks angry and she’d be like “no, he really loves you, I think he’s just afraid of showing it”
And growing up the kid would totally get Mal and Inara together (if they weren’t already)
And Kaylee would be like the big sister and chase him/her around the ship and ahhhfhka
I’m just going to add here that Zoe WAS pregnant. At the end of Serenity, she was pregnant with a daughter.
It’s in the canonical comic book, Float Out.
#SEE THIS SNAKE? #THIS SNAKE IS NOT A HORCRUX#THIS IS BRAZIL BOB #BOB JUST WANTS TO GO BACK TO HIS AMIGOS AND RELATIVES AND EVEN THOUGH BOB WAS BORN IN THE ZOO HE STILL LONGS FOR BRAZIL #HARRY’S NEVER BEEN TO HOGWARTS BUT THAT’S MORE A HOME TO HIM THAN PRIVET DRIVE #BRAZIL IS BOB’S HOGWARTS #BOB IS NOT NAGINI #NOT A HORCRUX #CLEARBOBSNAME
HARRY AND BOB WERE BROS GUYS DON’T YOUR REMEMBER
and in that moment, the entire movie theater burst into tears
i think this was the moment that made most of us despise umbridge more than voldemort
most of us?! don’t you mean ALL of us?? I don’t think even Voldemort liked this bitch!
No one likes Umbridge.
I heard, one time, a dementor kissed her and IT died
Voldemort committed genocide, but Umbridge dared to be female while she abused her power.
The point isn’t that Umbridge was worse than Voldemort; it’s that everyone hates her more. And I think it has nothing to do with her being a woman and everything with being the sort of cruel most of us have actually experienced.
I mean, look at Voldemort. He’s basically Wizard Hitler, which is, obviously, an incredibly terrible thing to be. But most people—especially the younger people in Harry Potter’s target audience—have not had their parents murdered by a xenophobic cult leader. Nor have they fought for their lives against giant snakes, been kidnapped for dark rituals, or watched numerous friends die in front of them. Voldemort’s crimes are numerous, but they’re distant and fantastical, like hearing about a serial killer on the news.
But they have had that one teacher who inflicts extra punishments just because they don’t like you. They’ve complained to parents and authorities only to be ignored. They’ve sat through pointless classes and been silenced when they criticize. Umbridge is that teacher we all hated because she made our lives miserable and we were powerless to stop her. And as we grow out of school, there are still people in positions of power who act like her. The manager who denies your schedule requests and penalizes you for invented infractions. That customer who complains to corporate because their scam didn’t work, and the corporate decision to listen to their story. Cops performing illegal searches because they know you don’t have any proof.
Yes, torturing and killing numerous people is worse than terrorizing a handful of schoolchildren, but Voldemort is the bad guy in a fairy tale. Umbridge is personal.
Also, hey guys?
Umbridge is a torturer. She tortures people on-page. Her “punishment” for disagreeing with her is to carve words on the back of your hand, forcing you to use your own blood to write your lines. That? Is torture. That? Is abuse. That? Is violence..
She’s not just “mean”. She’s not just “unfair”. She is evil and she’s abusive, and she empowers the evil and abusive and then she tells the victims that it’s all their fault for disobeying her as she tries to gaslight them.
SHE TRIED TO MURDER A TEENAGE BOY, using Dementors as her weapons.
As demonstrated in the seventh book, the only thing stopping her from being Voldemort is she’s a coward who has to work within the rules. She will later happily oversee the abuse and torment of hundreds of witches and wizards and will be so happy to do so that her Patronus is a glowing little happy-cat so strong that she can’t even feel a room full of Dementors right next to her.
I don’t actually hate Umbridge worse than Voldemort, and her moment throwing out Trelawney was far from the moment I “started” hating her, because I hated her just fine long before that. But I have a contempt and a disgust for Umbridge that outweighs my contempt and disgust for Voldemort simply because of how she fits into society and how she uses it for her own ends, and how she justifies her actions. Voldemort at least comes right out and says that power-for-power’s-sake is the only real thing in the universe. When he kills you, it’s because he has the power to do so and wants to, and that’s all there is to it - he’ll even crow about that.
Umbridge? Umbridge tortures you and then tells you it’s your fault she’s doing it. She does this on. the damn. page.
So no, guys. Let’s not minimize Dolores Umbridge to the manager who denies your schedule requests. She’s of the same kind of evil, but a rather greater scale.
I will always reblog this because the commentary is so thoughtful and flawless.
DAT COMMENTARY ON WHY I HATED UMBRIDGE.
Cellulose nitrate was used to make dice from the late 1860s until the middle of the twentieth century, and the material remains stable for decades. Then, in a flash, they can dramatically decompose. Nitric acid is released in a process called outgassing. The dice cleave, crumble, and then implode.
From Dice: Deception, Fate & Rotten Luck by Ricky Jay and Rosamond Purcell, 2002.
Degenerative Cubism afflicts 12% of Spanish cattle. If the disease were ever to become airborne, it’s estimated that all beef cattle in the country would be little more than a few lines leaving the impression of cattle within one month.
A realism vaccine was developed in 1994 but has occasional surrealist side effects, turning 2% of cattle injected into two arguing mimes and a waffle.